Connecting through Curiosity Team Challenge
Connecting through Curiosity Team Challenge
Connection is at the core of trust, respect, collaboration and communication. There is power in language. Every conversation is an opportunity to connect or disconnect. Our ability to connect is critical for high-performance teams. AND it is critical for our personal lives as well.
This is week 2 of a 4-week series. I’ll share 4-language strategies designed to transform connections.
Note for AWESOME web person: EACH ONE OF THESES Titles should link to the other blog
- Powerful Team language – Bust your “Buts” – You traded in your “but” for the “and” conversation.
- Team Connecting through Curiosity – Shake your “Should-a” – You defeated the judge and exchanged control for curiosity.
- Conversations to Innovation & Collaboration – You freed your problem-solver and tapped into your inner change agent.
- Team Recognition – You are fully present to see and celebrate those around you.
Week 2: Shake Your Should-a
It is time to shake your Should-a, would-a, could-a and start connecting on a new level. These words are the birthplace of blame and shame and stifle creativity and innovation. They are the voice of our judge. NO ONE WANTS TO BE JUDGED!!
“I will review the situation and tell you what you should have done”. – The Judge
When you start “shoulding” all over someone you are unintentionally saying:
“I am smarter than you.” “I know better than you.” “You are not enough to handle this problem.” You are being a jerk and that was never your intent.
Let’s explore what this might look like in a conversation…
You are sharing a situation with a colleague or friend. You pause for a moment to gather your thoughts and.. Bham… they take over the conversation with the “well, you could have…” or “you should have…” You move into a defensive space trying to justify or help them understand. “Well, I did but…”, “That would not have worked…”, “Hold on and let me finish…” Assumptions are flying high and we all know what happens when you make assumptions. You make an ASS-U-M-E.
So what is the alternative?
Be Curious and ask questions. The truth is, all your advice cannot be as good as the solution that lies within the person who owns the problem. They hold all the information and keys to resolve the situation. They are the keepers of the information, players, and non-verbal interactions. Your greatest contribution is to be the catalyst to help them see a new possibility.
So, what does it take to shift from “control” to “curiosity”?
- Be Present. Live in the moment, let go of thoughts of the future (anxiety) and let go of thoughts of the past (worry). When we do this, we clear our minds of the thoughts that block us from seeing, hearing and feeling the connection of the person that is with us at that moment. Being present says, “You are the most important person to me right here and right now.” That means not checking out; we have all been the giver and receiver of checking out and it feels yucky on both sides.
- Be Aware and catch your should-a. Notice when and where this is coming into the situation. What are you trying to prove? What relationship do you want with this person? What is the impact of “your need to be right” in this relationship?
- Shift your mindset. Your Mindset creates trustworthiness. Your belief in a person is the foundation of trust and respect. Embrace this as your new mantra – “I trust and respect this person. They are creative and capable of solving this problem.”
- Be curious and ask powerful questions. You are a great listener and your value is not based on you solving the problem. Powerful questions are questions that you truly don’t know the answer to. They are questions that challenge thinking. When you ask questions without needing to solve the problems these questions will come naturally, and you become a catalyst for awesomeness.
So accept this 4-week challenge and continue your journey to a new level of connection, personally and professionally. Share this blog with your team and open the door for discussion on your approach. Give permission to catch yourself and each other during the conversation. The difficulty in this exercise is about being vulnerable and authentic and not letting your ego take over. Again, recommend a playful approach. Example, “hey! time to shake your should-a”
I know you can do it!! AND If you need help, you need me as your coach!
I invite you to bring this same conversation into your personal life. You will be amazed at what opens in your relationships, especially with kids. They need to know you believe in them and trust them to make great decisions. They are worthy of your trust and respect.
Look for the next team challenge blog as we focus on Conversations to Innovation & Collaboration that Build Your Big Ideas.